So Kay decided to be a jerk. Again.
I was leading my online meeting. She knew this - she herself had a noon meeting as well. So at 1:05pm she comes out to the front room where I'm having my meeting, and she starts rustling through papers that she had given me to give to Logan's school (obviously I can't give them since the schools are closed). I asked her to please do that later. She told me she was gathering some for Janae, then told me that if I didn't do something about "this" (the front room) today, then she would. Then walked away scowling.
During my meeting. While I was trying to be a good moderator and participant. While the others in the meeting could potentially hear this.
How violated can a person feel? I cleaned the fridge this morning because she's been in a bad mood about it. Didn't manage to finish the compost because of feeling the "failure effect" ("it's never good enough for her, it's never enough" lack of motivation), but did put out the tools to get it done later. And she proved, once again, that isn't never enough.
Anyway, now she's doing who knows what in the kitchen. Guess I'd better go check... :(
And just like that, my attempt to avoid drinking alcohol is once again at a close.
She came out to "get chips" (not even sure if she did). Whined more. Demanded to know what I was doing with the cupcakes. I said, "What do you think?" And she snapped at me, "I don't know! It seems like everything that comes out here to the front room just stays!" Said she wants everything cleaned (I'm not the one who got 10 packages this week, including 2 more a few minutes ago). Then said the mouse droppings are driving her nuts (which I've been cleaning - got the stove and most of my floor done in the last few days already). Then apologized and said it wasn't me and that she's just stressed.
So what? I'm stressed too. I don't seek her out to complain at her and make her feel less-than. I try to work hard and get things done, and she continually moves goalposts, interrupts me despite knowing it makes me less productive when she does so (I've only told her this 100's of times), continues to order more and more stuff and then blames me when we're too crammed. Then tries to throw away MY stuff in order to make more room, or else guilt me into throwing away my things.
She needs to knock it off.
I have no motivation AT ALL to do anything now. It is never enough.
Going to go get really, really drunk, then maybe take things downstairs. How can I numb myself?
Drunk and music. That sounds like it might work.
:(
On a brighter note, I probably won't be moderating any more meetings. Jack's "Ask Jack" sessions have pretty much made that redundant. Less responsibility, less stress, maybe less of an escape from home, but... Well, I'm not good for people to be around. Remember?
...
Just realized. She didn't even acknowledge that I had started working on the books out here in the front room. Yesterday. She knew it, because I passed by her carrying books. She saw, she knew. But she still acted like this to me today.
I was leading my online meeting. She knew this - she herself had a noon meeting as well. So at 1:05pm she comes out to the front room where I'm having my meeting, and she starts rustling through papers that she had given me to give to Logan's school (obviously I can't give them since the schools are closed). I asked her to please do that later. She told me she was gathering some for Janae, then told me that if I didn't do something about "this" (the front room) today, then she would. Then walked away scowling.
During my meeting. While I was trying to be a good moderator and participant. While the others in the meeting could potentially hear this.
How violated can a person feel? I cleaned the fridge this morning because she's been in a bad mood about it. Didn't manage to finish the compost because of feeling the "failure effect" ("it's never good enough for her, it's never enough" lack of motivation), but did put out the tools to get it done later. And she proved, once again, that isn't never enough.
Anyway, now she's doing who knows what in the kitchen. Guess I'd better go check... :(
And just like that, my attempt to avoid drinking alcohol is once again at a close.
She came out to "get chips" (not even sure if she did). Whined more. Demanded to know what I was doing with the cupcakes. I said, "What do you think?" And she snapped at me, "I don't know! It seems like everything that comes out here to the front room just stays!" Said she wants everything cleaned (I'm not the one who got 10 packages this week, including 2 more a few minutes ago). Then said the mouse droppings are driving her nuts (which I've been cleaning - got the stove and most of my floor done in the last few days already). Then apologized and said it wasn't me and that she's just stressed.
So what? I'm stressed too. I don't seek her out to complain at her and make her feel less-than. I try to work hard and get things done, and she continually moves goalposts, interrupts me despite knowing it makes me less productive when she does so (I've only told her this 100's of times), continues to order more and more stuff and then blames me when we're too crammed. Then tries to throw away MY stuff in order to make more room, or else guilt me into throwing away my things.
She needs to knock it off.
I have no motivation AT ALL to do anything now. It is never enough.
Going to go get really, really drunk, then maybe take things downstairs. How can I numb myself?
Drunk and music. That sounds like it might work.
:(
On a brighter note, I probably won't be moderating any more meetings. Jack's "Ask Jack" sessions have pretty much made that redundant. Less responsibility, less stress, maybe less of an escape from home, but... Well, I'm not good for people to be around. Remember?
...
Just realized. She didn't even acknowledge that I had started working on the books out here in the front room. Yesterday. She knew it, because I passed by her carrying books. She saw, she knew. But she still acted like this to me today.
posted by Yvea at 1:29 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home