OCD and kindness to others - questions

Question for self: am I truly a generous person if I'm doing it out of fear that if I don't give or do at the exact right moment, bad things will happen to the people I love?  If I'm being kind in order to keep bad things from happening, then am I really being kind?  Or am I being self-absorbed, thanks in part to my condition (OCD), thanks in part to my inability - or is it incompetence or just not applying myself hard enough - to overcome the symptoms without resorting to the compulsions and rituals?  When being kind to others becomes a ritual to inoculate them against the bad thoughts and fears in my head, is it real kindness, then?

I wonder.  I don't know.  I'm doing it to protect them.  But they are strong and capable enough of protecting themselves.  I need to take responsibility for my own thoughts instead of involving others in my rituals.  If I'm kind, it needs to come from the heart.  Because I love them, not because I expect anything before or after that one single moment.  Because in that one single moment, it's an act of pure love, rather than control over fate.

I need to be alone.  Until I can control my thoughts.  Until I can stop involving others in my illness.