Silence
New Goal:
Don't talk to people anymore. I'm unable to handle it. It hurts too much.
I've signed off my website SI. I won't be signing back on again. In a day, I must return here to see if I have kept my promise. Or I can come here and blog anything I would wish to say. Talk to myself. That might help.
I know where and when I need to be this week. Need to get it all set up. Or better yet - don't. Just go in knowing what to say. Let the kids do more. I am fighting a mental illness, and Kay needs to learn not to push my boundaries. I warned her over and over again that this would be overwhelming for me. She didn't listen. This will be a vivid reminder to her of what I said, and why she shouldn't push me when I've already said no.
Don't text my friends. In fact, only answer Daniel's texts. And only when he's being polite. When he's rude as hell, don't answer him. And don't reach out for support. Go to sleep.
If I do go this weekend to that nature journaling, accept Mr. Laws' kindness. But don't expect it.
Sleep a lot. It's OK to sleep.
Be silent. Let your thoughts flow into you. There's no need to rush, Yvea.
Cris Miranda weirdly wants to hang out with me. So do so, but practice. Stay listening to him. Be supportive. Be detached. Most people have egos so big that they don't care what another person is saying - at least, if the person is like me. What they want from me is to listen and stroke their egos. They just can't help themselves, because I am an attentive listener. I can listen, but only for so long.
After I've spent any significant time around anyone, enough to leave a dent in my ability to self-regulate: I hereby give myself permission to take as much solo time as I need to, with the exception of Logan. I will be there for Logan as always - but it might be a lesson for him to accept that Mommy has a low-key version, and that's as much a part of her as any other. Moms have boundaries too. Not his responsibility to manage them or emotionally take them on. Only his responsibility to respect them when I've asked him to.
1:25 AM. Let's see how it goes.
Don't talk to people anymore. I'm unable to handle it. It hurts too much.
I've signed off my website SI. I won't be signing back on again. In a day, I must return here to see if I have kept my promise. Or I can come here and blog anything I would wish to say. Talk to myself. That might help.
I know where and when I need to be this week. Need to get it all set up. Or better yet - don't. Just go in knowing what to say. Let the kids do more. I am fighting a mental illness, and Kay needs to learn not to push my boundaries. I warned her over and over again that this would be overwhelming for me. She didn't listen. This will be a vivid reminder to her of what I said, and why she shouldn't push me when I've already said no.
Don't text my friends. In fact, only answer Daniel's texts. And only when he's being polite. When he's rude as hell, don't answer him. And don't reach out for support. Go to sleep.
If I do go this weekend to that nature journaling, accept Mr. Laws' kindness. But don't expect it.
Sleep a lot. It's OK to sleep.
Be silent. Let your thoughts flow into you. There's no need to rush, Yvea.
Cris Miranda weirdly wants to hang out with me. So do so, but practice. Stay listening to him. Be supportive. Be detached. Most people have egos so big that they don't care what another person is saying - at least, if the person is like me. What they want from me is to listen and stroke their egos. They just can't help themselves, because I am an attentive listener. I can listen, but only for so long.
After I've spent any significant time around anyone, enough to leave a dent in my ability to self-regulate: I hereby give myself permission to take as much solo time as I need to, with the exception of Logan. I will be there for Logan as always - but it might be a lesson for him to accept that Mommy has a low-key version, and that's as much a part of her as any other. Moms have boundaries too. Not his responsibility to manage them or emotionally take them on. Only his responsibility to respect them when I've asked him to.
1:25 AM. Let's see how it goes.
posted by Yvea at 1:25 AM
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