I hate myself.

I am such an idiot.

I let myself fall into a trap.

It would be more accurate to say that I put the trap around my own neck.  Am I trying to let Logan down??  I told him, repeatedly, that I want to be alone.  And now I say "I love you" back to him?  Really?  Is my guilt that strong?  Is it the honeymoon period?

Am I broken?

And Kay and the police aren't helping.  The police are ineffective.  I've given them and everyone else information about Daniel going to his payee's place, and all they have to do is ask his payee when he's going to be there and then go get him.  But they won't.  And Kay keeps feeling sorry for him and keeps subjecting me to her sorrowful monologues about how hard he's had it, and how he needs his family (us).  She knows he expressed a desire to kill both me and Logan.  He did it several weeks ago, but we only found out about it on Wednesday night.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to keep us safe and keep this situation from escalating.

When I get home tomorrow from my trip, I need to turn off my phone.  I'll be with Logan for the whole week - so I won't need my phone.  He won't be able to get me.

And my guilt about Thanksgiving...?

If he calls me through Kay, I'll go.  But that will be the last time.

I must not let Logan down.

And he should want what's best for his son, too.  At least he knows not to come over, not to endanger Logan.

I am still leaving him.  Logan and I deserve better.

https://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2019/05/when-your-abuser-is-nice/

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why-stockholm-syndrome-happens-and-how-to-help-0926184