This is it. It's too much for me to take. I am losing contact... It's time to go now.

Starting in the winter, I will go back to Costa Rica. I will go somewhere where I can remember being genuinely happy. Maybe I will explore the beauty of California and beyond in September and October, the months intervening. Then I will sail down to Mexico with my grandparents, and then ...onward, to Costa Rica. It is time to leave. I'll be sure to fill out an absentee ballot before I go.

It is so painful to lose people you care about, especially if there are only a few of them who truly matter to you. There are those you care about and love, and those you love being around. The latter ones have vanished. It is time to be somewhere alone, where people leaving cannot hurt me anymore. If I go to Costa Rica, I won't have that problem anymore ...unless Julieta leaves. Then, that would break my heart.

There is something nice about being far away and anonymous. You have permission to love people as hard as you choose, and feel emotions as roughly and painfully and beautifully as they come out, without any fear of letting anyone else see them. It is erasing yourself from what other people know about you. Starting now, I will avoid being online at all costs. It may take people a while to get used to it... Also, my cell phone will be off. I will check messages, but I will only call back on a landline. Those people who are still close to me, I think, I will tell my landline number to. That way, each time I pick up the phone, it will always be someone on the other end from whom it will make my day to hear.

I love you all. Please, don't be too angry with me. I'm not angry ...I'm sad. I'm weeping. I'm crying right now, and I am not sure when I will stop, if ever. I need light in my life again ...and as a wise person once said: Aut viam inveniam aut faciam. I will create my own light.

Love, always~
~Yvea